I continued to do the looking myself, and there were many times I was not present to my experience of anything other than the heaviness in my head from the thoughts whirring through my mind. Thoughts of ‘what ifs’ and ‘how about this’ and ‘oh, no, but if this’. After a long day of staring at the computer, completely stuck on a work issue, it hit me. I am trying to control a situation in order to make me happy. And then I saw it. Everywhere. In. My. Life. All around me I began to see how I try to create or manipulate circumstances in my life in order to avoid unhappiness and to feel happy. Like biting my tongue around certain people to avoid being judged.

Then it really hit me. Not only am I so dependent on my outer world to create a better inner experience, I am consumed by trying to control my outer world to avoid uncomfortable experiences. How many of you can relate? Can you see that the pursuit of happiness is your life? And if it is, it doesn’t really work in bringing us lasting happiness does it?

Happiness is an inner experience we strive for because what we really want is to feel good. I believe what we are really searching for is inner peace. No drama. Equanimity. Smooth sailing no matter how rough the waves. That being the case, then I think you can agree that our current method isn’t going to take us there. So what will?

The answers lie in the observation of your pursuit of happiness. Notice each moment you are trying to change something outside of you to feel a certain way inside of you. Notice without judgement and see what happens. Notice the thoughts that cross your mind, where you feel it in the body, what it feels like in the body (heaviness, tightness, aches, etc) and witness these things as long as possible with no other goal then to simply observe. Then write me and tell me what you discover: ainsley@inspiredhealingpath.com.

In my next newsletter and post I’ll continue to share my experiences and what shifts for me, and together we’ll look at what could bring us the lasting peace we strive for. Stay tuned!

Love and light always,

Ainsley